I Don’t Want to be Skinny.

Disclaimer: This is not a body shaming post, all sizes are beautiful and there’s nothing wrong with being skinny! This is strictly about MY body.

More than a Number

It’s currently about 12:15am, Sunday, January 3, 2016. I should be sleeping, but my thoughts are eating away at me, as I toss and turn. So, here I am, wide awake, trying to put them into words.

For the last year or so, I’ve been in and out of gym routines, healthier eating, no sugar, drinking smoothies like crazy, etc. But each time it has only lasted a couple of months, at most. I’ve struggled with body image on and off. I’ve had people tell me that I “would be a knockout” if I would just “lose a few pounds.” My determination kicked in, I gave up sugar, got out of bed before the sun to hit the gym, and I even started a running plan. I quickly realized that I was burning myself out, and my drive and motivation fizzled fast. I gave myself a break, hoping to get it back, but them I started really thinking…

Am I doing this for me?” “If I am, then why can’t I stay motivated?” “Or am I just doing this because of what others have said? Because “he” might like me more if I’m 80lbs lighter?”

I have a confession to make; I don’t want to be skinny.

For so long, I’ve felt the pressure of others to “lose a few pounds,” or “be a smaller size.” I’ve decided that I’m done making changes to my body because others think that I should. I’ve learned to rock the size I’m in, dress it properly, and appreciate my body for all that it is. And, ya know what? The right guy will love me no matter what size I wear!

I appreciate so much all of the encouragement I’ve gotten each time I’ve “embarked” on a new weight loss journey. I’m not saying that I’m going to cancel my gym membership and become a couch potato. Working out makes me feel great! I just don’t want it to become a priority over a good night’s sleep, or time with my family, etc. I’m definitely not going back to eating sugar like crazy either, yuck! I just want to be the healthiest version of me. If that means I lose a few pounds along the way, great! But I’m not going to wear myself out trying to get down to the “ideal” dress size.

My body is nowhere near perfect, but its perfect for me. I’m plus size, and proud! I’m done trying to be something that someone else wants me to be!